Constant Depression

No matter what i do, this constant state of depression doesn't move away.

living with parents, i miss the whole point of having a life for yourself, i can move anyday i want...but its me again i guess....i am really afraid that i might go really mad if i move out alone.....

i have a friend who's also planning to move out...right now i am looking for an apartment, a place which i don't have to shift again, because i just don't want to a place to bed, and eat, i need a place which can be a studio, a place where sunlight comes in, where i can work.

at work, i feel that i am deteriorating, i miss deadlines, more than working there, i feel like i hang around, its not about losing the love for humor or comics, that just increases by the day, its just strange, when i stayed stiff on work i had these regular fights...and then i started loosening up...and i have loosened pretty far, which i think i should take care of...

i have been this loose-careless freak, but never with work....have to tighten up, or i guess have to remove things from my plate which i don't like.

and with personal life, well personal life is DUD, i have limited friends in delhi, i don't like the relative functions, and well i would love my family, like i used to, once i am away from them.

anyways there's not much to do, i attend these open mic, but nothing else happens here, as in anything creative has to be just plays, bharatnatyam, classical music and ghazals....anything else, even if it happens needs close monitoring to find out...

anyways, i am really getting bored here, specially how even one day can't pass without anyone commenting on how the system is wrong, hamare desh mein to kuch nahi hota, bla blah....so that just is like icing on my umpteen layer cake of irritation.

i have blurted out all this, but i don't what impression it gives to the reader...but atleast i am not re-reading and editing it....